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Ask me anything http://formspring.me/Flyness

"Match Dot Wrong": Who's REALLY to blame in the Match.com sexual assualt case?

Given the most recent atrocity which has taken place through a dating website, it is vital for everyone to take a second look at social networking sites as a viable alternative to meeting and dating online. However, we are still missing the mark when it comes to dating!

A few days ago, a woman on her second date with a man she met on Match.com was followed home and sexually assaulted. The man was later found to have committed prior sex crimes. So is Match.com really to blame? Short answer: not necessarily.

What does Match.com, eHarmony, and other paid matchmaking websites give you that free social networking sites do not? A lengthy online questionnaire which tries to match you with someone of similar interests. This, in itself is a “fail”.

It is a fact that even people with opposite interests and viewpoints can be attracted to one another. In addition to this being a law of science, opposites also attract in the dating world. Look at Arnold Swartzenagger and Maria Kennedy Shriver; Arnold is a staunch Republican while Maria comes from a family of strong Democrats. People of differing religions, races, and cultures are meeting and thriving in healthy relationships all over the world. Time and time again, you have people with totally different ideologies who come together and date!

True—Match.com is a matchmaking service and should bear some responsibility in screening registrants. Yet, this case is a sign of a much larger problem: people are relying way too heavily on technology to run their love lives. We need to take responsibility.

There is a solution. While some might find this funny (and still see it as a taboo topic), social networking sites like Facebook and even Twitter are viable alternatives to meeting singles on paid matching sites. Unlike Match.com, social networking sites offer the ability to see who knows who by friends (or followers), allows you to see dozens if not hundreds of photos, and allows you to actually see what someone is doing on a daily basis via their status feed or timeline. When you think about it, who do you stand to know more about? The person you met at a lounge? The cutie you met on Match.com? Or the firecracker you met from Facebook, with whom you have a history on with some commonalities?

CHA-CHING--I think we have a winner!

Point: when it comes to meeting online, take the power into your own hands. Do not leave it to some “smart pairing technology” to choose who you spend an evening, a few months, or potentially the rest of your life with! Instead of giving you fish to eat (the victim in the Match.com case got rotten fish), you should learn to fish on your own, with the knowledge of how to seek out good mates for you. And to learn how to fish online, I highly recommend my books to teach you the angles:

* From MySpace to My Place: The Men's Guide to Snagging Women Online
* From MySpace to My Place: The Ladies' Guide to Finding Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now Online
* The Facebook Datebook for Men
*Tweet Her and Meet Her


Do it the smart way and do not leave your dating decisions to chance.

how do women you date react to you once they know about your books?

The reactions vary. Overall it lets me know who's down to get to know me and who isn't

Ask me anything

EMAIL BAG "Should I 'get at' a Webcam Model?" (My response)

I got an email from a happy customer...who also had a question.





He wrote:

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Hey whas going on man, I just finished reading your book myspace to myplace and it had some good game in it, i gotta get on my myspace update to put my page the way u state in the book, but what my question is.. How or if its even worth it to get at a Web Cam model. now i spoke with this women and i didn't spend no money on her with doing pvt chats cause i know u dont suppose to spend money just like dealin with strippers. but my question is how would i get a web cam model to feel me, with so many other dudes giving me competion while they are tricking!!

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My response:


Hey Playa,
First off I appreciate your support of the game. Congratulate yourself on making that commitment! About "web cam models"...realize that these women are NOT good mackin targets, since they are all about hustling tricks. (Similar to prostitutes). The ones who charge are primarily about $, and make their living by making guys THINK they have a chance. Now if she's a web cam model that DOESN'T charge money, then her "hustle" is ATTENTION, as I talk about in the book (attention whores). Either way, you should not spend too much time trying to get at these females, for those reasons.

If anything, you can try the inflate/deflate techniques, but make it extreme. Depending on her popularity, you will have to act SUPER mackish...as if you are completely uninterested. Me personally...I stay clear from these females, unless I'm looking for them to promote my books ;)

Good luck playa and make sure you get the sequel, "The Facebook Datebook for Men" at http://www.Facebookdatebook.com.

Flyness

Advice Email: Should I be her friend first?

I got this message from a guy today. He wrote:


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From College Freshman Guy:

I'm in my freshman year of college now. I'm not a virgin anymore so I have some confidence but there is this girl I met in my building who I think is very sexy and I want to impress her. However, I don't want her to feel like I'm coming on too strong and hitting on her because we just met and I think I'd like to be friends with her first. Do you have any tips for me? I don't have her phone number or room number yet.

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From FLYNESS:

LOL, Trust me, I was in your shoes 9 years ago. And while you might think that being her friend FIRST might make sense, it never works that way. Here's why:

Deep down, women know within minutes (if not seconds) of meeting whether or not you'd be the type of guy she'd date or not. It not only has to do with your appearance, but your style and level of confidence. Usually the most confident, laid back guys get the BEST women. And if she's attractive, she knows that you're probably physically interested in her the moment you open your mouth or even look at her.

Let's just say you try being her friend first. She will see you as someone who's too scared or too timid to "go for it." She will either treat you like a friend or may even use your interest as an ego boost. If women are honest, they know that deep down, a "male friend" is either...

A) Too scared to "close the deal" (most likely)
B) Not attracted to her at all (most unlikely)
C) Gay

You're not either of these dude.

My best advice is:

#1. Put up or shut up with this girl. In other words, make a move. The next time you see her, smile/maintain good eye contact, make small talk for about a minute or two (about her day, how she likes school, yadda-yadda), then say something like "Well I gotta get going but you seem like a cool person. Let's talk later on...what's your number?"

-If she gives it to you, put it in your cell phone and call her right then and there, so she has yours. (wait a day or two to call and set up a time to hang out)

-If she declines but says "Let me get yours." She's not interested. Politely decline, smiley and tell her "That's okay. Enjoy your day." (If you do that the right way, she may take the initiative and approach you later, after seeing that you don't "need" her. Psychology, man.)

-Also look for her body language. Is she focused on you? Looking away? Preening herself? (subconsciously fixing herself up to look more attractive for you) etc. This will tell you if she has genuine interest.


#2. Get at other women, in the meantime. What attracts women to men is the fact that he has the appearance or "aura" of a man who gets OTHER women. As stated in step #1., close the deal with women--especially if they show signs of interest. Approach, make small talk, and exchange numbers.

Overall, your profile tells me that you really don't need THAT much help. You're an athlete, have style, and are a good looking dude. (No homo. lol)


I strongly suggest checking out my book (The Facebook Datebook for Men) which you can also apply to real life situations as well. That is at http://www.FacebookDatebook.com

Hope that helps!

Flyness

My response to this article on http://www.tyrashow.com

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How to Say No Once You've Already Said Yes

Once you have sex with your BF, can you still tell him no? Of course!

yesno.jpgAt some point, every virgin faces the big "will you, won't you?" sex question, but once you've gone all the way, does the question go away? No.

Once you've had sex with a guy, it does not mean you have to do it every time you see him -- in fact, telling him you want to wait before the second time is a good way to find out if he's really into you. Any guy who's worth your time will be more interested in getting into your heart than your pants. If sex is the most important thing in your relationship, perhaps it's not the best match for you. The "virgin decision" is not the only decision you make when it comes to sex -- it's a decision you make each time you do or don't.

Then there are times when you've already said yes in the heat of the moment (or in response to pressure) -- but you change your mind. Is it still okay to say no when you're in the middle of yes? Yes.

Your body is yours and you can deny access at any time. No matter how mad he might get, if you're no longer into it, it's your right to end it. But, try to avoid it, indecisiveness comes off as game playing.

Bottom line: You are never obligated to be intimate with your guy, even if you've already slept with him. And you can always change your mind, no matter how far beyond kissing the makeout session has gone.

Saying no is always okay. And if you do say yes, make sure you play safe.

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MY REPLY (which wasn't approved by Tyrashow.com):

*Once again, the ladies MAY NOT LIKE MY ANSWER. BUT FLYNESS KEEPS IT REAL!*

What this article ignores, is the fact that it gives women permission to ACT IRRESPONSIBLY. Ladies, it is totally irresponsible to lay down with someone and decide "in the middle" that you no longer want to have sex with him. While you are protected under the law at every step of the way and have EVERY legal right to say no, at ANY time...it is utterly reckless and irresponsible.

Women, I totally get that you are emotional creatures. I understand that you may have a head and heart full of FEELINGS and EMOTIONS and stuff. I FEEL you. But damn, way before the blouse comes off and the skirt comes up, you need to have boundaries set. Take control and be straightforward with your men. If you have no direction, you will get lost--GUARANTEED.

If you want to just feel happy and carefree, then ignore my post. Go back to unrealistic, chatter. But when you're ready to wake up and be REAL, take heed to FLYNESS.

Peace

Flyness
Twitter.com/Flyness
(and yea I wrote some books too: http://www.MySpaceToMyPlace.com )