EMAIL BAG "Should I 'get at' a Webcam Model?" (My response)

I got an email from a happy customer...who also had a question.





He wrote:

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Hey whas going on man, I just finished reading your book myspace to myplace and it had some good game in it, i gotta get on my myspace update to put my page the way u state in the book, but what my question is.. How or if its even worth it to get at a Web Cam model. now i spoke with this women and i didn't spend no money on her with doing pvt chats cause i know u dont suppose to spend money just like dealin with strippers. but my question is how would i get a web cam model to feel me, with so many other dudes giving me competion while they are tricking!!

===============================================

My response:


Hey Playa,
First off I appreciate your support of the game. Congratulate yourself on making that commitment! About "web cam models"...realize that these women are NOT good mackin targets, since they are all about hustling tricks. (Similar to prostitutes). The ones who charge are primarily about $, and make their living by making guys THINK they have a chance. Now if she's a web cam model that DOESN'T charge money, then her "hustle" is ATTENTION, as I talk about in the book (attention whores). Either way, you should not spend too much time trying to get at these females, for those reasons.

If anything, you can try the inflate/deflate techniques, but make it extreme. Depending on her popularity, you will have to act SUPER mackish...as if you are completely uninterested. Me personally...I stay clear from these females, unless I'm looking for them to promote my books ;)

Good luck playa and make sure you get the sequel, "The Facebook Datebook for Men" at http://www.Facebookdatebook.com.

Flyness

Advice Email: Should I be her friend first?

I got this message from a guy today. He wrote:


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From College Freshman Guy:

I'm in my freshman year of college now. I'm not a virgin anymore so I have some confidence but there is this girl I met in my building who I think is very sexy and I want to impress her. However, I don't want her to feel like I'm coming on too strong and hitting on her because we just met and I think I'd like to be friends with her first. Do you have any tips for me? I don't have her phone number or room number yet.

====================================================================================
From FLYNESS:

LOL, Trust me, I was in your shoes 9 years ago. And while you might think that being her friend FIRST might make sense, it never works that way. Here's why:

Deep down, women know within minutes (if not seconds) of meeting whether or not you'd be the type of guy she'd date or not. It not only has to do with your appearance, but your style and level of confidence. Usually the most confident, laid back guys get the BEST women. And if she's attractive, she knows that you're probably physically interested in her the moment you open your mouth or even look at her.

Let's just say you try being her friend first. She will see you as someone who's too scared or too timid to "go for it." She will either treat you like a friend or may even use your interest as an ego boost. If women are honest, they know that deep down, a "male friend" is either...

A) Too scared to "close the deal" (most likely)
B) Not attracted to her at all (most unlikely)
C) Gay

You're not either of these dude.

My best advice is:

#1. Put up or shut up with this girl. In other words, make a move. The next time you see her, smile/maintain good eye contact, make small talk for about a minute or two (about her day, how she likes school, yadda-yadda), then say something like "Well I gotta get going but you seem like a cool person. Let's talk later on...what's your number?"

-If she gives it to you, put it in your cell phone and call her right then and there, so she has yours. (wait a day or two to call and set up a time to hang out)

-If she declines but says "Let me get yours." She's not interested. Politely decline, smiley and tell her "That's okay. Enjoy your day." (If you do that the right way, she may take the initiative and approach you later, after seeing that you don't "need" her. Psychology, man.)

-Also look for her body language. Is she focused on you? Looking away? Preening herself? (subconsciously fixing herself up to look more attractive for you) etc. This will tell you if she has genuine interest.


#2. Get at other women, in the meantime. What attracts women to men is the fact that he has the appearance or "aura" of a man who gets OTHER women. As stated in step #1., close the deal with women--especially if they show signs of interest. Approach, make small talk, and exchange numbers.

Overall, your profile tells me that you really don't need THAT much help. You're an athlete, have style, and are a good looking dude. (No homo. lol)


I strongly suggest checking out my book (The Facebook Datebook for Men) which you can also apply to real life situations as well. That is at http://www.FacebookDatebook.com

Hope that helps!

Flyness

My response to this article on http://www.tyrashow.com

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How to Say No Once You've Already Said Yes

Once you have sex with your BF, can you still tell him no? Of course!

yesno.jpgAt some point, every virgin faces the big "will you, won't you?" sex question, but once you've gone all the way, does the question go away? No.

Once you've had sex with a guy, it does not mean you have to do it every time you see him -- in fact, telling him you want to wait before the second time is a good way to find out if he's really into you. Any guy who's worth your time will be more interested in getting into your heart than your pants. If sex is the most important thing in your relationship, perhaps it's not the best match for you. The "virgin decision" is not the only decision you make when it comes to sex -- it's a decision you make each time you do or don't.

Then there are times when you've already said yes in the heat of the moment (or in response to pressure) -- but you change your mind. Is it still okay to say no when you're in the middle of yes? Yes.

Your body is yours and you can deny access at any time. No matter how mad he might get, if you're no longer into it, it's your right to end it. But, try to avoid it, indecisiveness comes off as game playing.

Bottom line: You are never obligated to be intimate with your guy, even if you've already slept with him. And you can always change your mind, no matter how far beyond kissing the makeout session has gone.

Saying no is always okay. And if you do say yes, make sure you play safe.

---

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MY REPLY (which wasn't approved by Tyrashow.com):

*Once again, the ladies MAY NOT LIKE MY ANSWER. BUT FLYNESS KEEPS IT REAL!*

What this article ignores, is the fact that it gives women permission to ACT IRRESPONSIBLY. Ladies, it is totally irresponsible to lay down with someone and decide "in the middle" that you no longer want to have sex with him. While you are protected under the law at every step of the way and have EVERY legal right to say no, at ANY time...it is utterly reckless and irresponsible.

Women, I totally get that you are emotional creatures. I understand that you may have a head and heart full of FEELINGS and EMOTIONS and stuff. I FEEL you. But damn, way before the blouse comes off and the skirt comes up, you need to have boundaries set. Take control and be straightforward with your men. If you have no direction, you will get lost--GUARANTEED.

If you want to just feel happy and carefree, then ignore my post. Go back to unrealistic, chatter. But when you're ready to wake up and be REAL, take heed to FLYNESS.

Peace

Flyness
Twitter.com/Flyness
(and yea I wrote some books too: http://www.MySpaceToMyPlace.com )

The ASS Pass, my VENT blog

Ladies...especially the attractive and youthful, have one magical thing that will earn them a pass. From free food, discounted department store items, car service, flat screens, trips across the country and more. It's the one thing you never hear about on the news. It is so ingrained in this society, it's never even talked about! It's all about the ass! Yet so many ladies have NO IDEA (or just refuse to admit) that there are significant perks attributed to having a "va-jay-jay."


The CLUB
You would be hard pressed to find a club that charges the same amount to both men and women--this is coming from a former club promoter himself. While the purpose is clearly understood (that guys are willing to pay to see women and women will come in droves to take advantage of the party), its still crazy. I've been to parties where guys are paying $40.00 yet anything with two sets of lips gets in free.

DATES
Just tonight I came in from a "date" or whatever you call it. Though I expressed to this female that all I wanted was ass (actually I told her I wanted to take her to a park and bang her), I mentioned that I wouldn't mind seeing that Denzel Picture with her. Why not? I picked her up and paid for the movie, with no hesitation. But on our way to the park, this chick had a nerve to suggest that I take her out to eat. LOL. Get outta here. And although her request may seem reasonable to the AVERAGE joe, it doesn't sit right with me. Unless I offer, do not suggest. Whether it takes a meal to to get to know you or to bang you, I'll pass. If that's the case, why not just skip the bullshit and get a real whore?

BACK AT THE CLUB (Drinks)
I blogged about this before. I'm not going to knock guys for tricking off (buying something with the hopes of sexual gratification in exchange) drinks for women in the club. However, and once again, females feelings have been hurt when suggesting that I buy them drinks. Before I would reply with, "No I'm cool" or "I don't know you like that." But I find it offensive. Usually what I do nowadays is go to the bartender and ask for a cup of ice. Is my name Santa Claus?

LIFE OVERALL
A free brake job, free gas...hell, even a rent payment were some of the recent stories relayed to me from AVERAGE women! It's really hard to blame the females in these instances...I blame the fellas for perpetuating this pattern. Even if I engage in a "fling", she needs more than an ass to keep my attention. Just look at my shirt in the picture. It says "BOOBIES MAKE ME SMILE" not "BOOBIES MAKES ME BREAK OPEN MY WALLET!" She needs WAY more to get a penny from my wallet. And its funny how a female will actually look at this blog like, "wow, he's cheap" since this whole "I'm entitled because I have a pussy" mentality has infiltrated society.

Its utterly amazing how a female from the most impoverished environment has the potential to COMPLETELY "come up" overnight based on her looks.

But such is life...and that's what it is. In all actuality, I pop my collar to the ladies who take advantage, and I frown upon the tricking with these guys. I respect the hustle, but let's recognize it for what it is.

DUMPED ON FACEBOOK: FLYNESS talks to the Tyra Banks Show

Check out Flyness aka Rico Suave, The Author of the "From MySpace to My Place" as he talks about his experiences being dumped on facebook. For more information on the books, go here now: http://www.MySpaceToMyPlace.com

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My reply to Kendell, a blogger on TyraShow.com

From http://tyrashow.warnerbros.com/single_fierce/kendall/trying_to_change_a_guy.php


Kendall: History Repeats
Wed. Mar 11, 2009 | 9:30 AM

I couldn't get the last guy I was seeing to commit. The guy before him cared more about drinking than having a conversation. And I couldn't get my first love to stop smoking. Do you notice a pattern?

I have a history of liking guys I want to change. So, when the new guy at work opened up about his bad habits and then stood me up, I was strangely interested in the challenge.

When I'm not at a sporting event or blogging about my personal strike outs with men, I'm working the night shift at a call center. As part of our training program, new employees sit with us to learn how to handle calls.

Please let the cute guy sit with me. Please let the cute guy sit with me.

He is slightly sexy with an older, mature look; strong arms and facial hair like Donovan McNabb, whose jersey he's wearing. A Philadelphia Eagles fan, just like me. It was like I was nine years old again with an elementary school crush.

Speaking of nine-year-olds, he has one ...

First conversation. He ends up sitting with me. We discuss his daughter, his taste in porn and the fact he is a smoker. A loaded conversation. In the midst of our mutual flirtation, I assume the mother of the child is no longer in the picture.

Phone conversation. Was that a little boy crying? Another kid. His mother is probably involved with someone else now. After all, he gave me his number, right?

Lunch conversation. Yes, he asked me out to lunch and that totally counts as a date. I think he just proved my theory about dates being extinct wrong, even if it was during the day and he didn't exactly pay. Sigh.

Conversation-To-Be. We plan a date and he cancels without calling. His reason? A second daughter with a common cold. Three kids plus two baby mamas equals a hell of a lot of drama ...

But he smells like the perfect blend of fresh brewed coffee and chocolate cigarillos, and his smile wakes up the butterflies in my stomach, which seemed to be asleep for so long.

History repeats itself and like all my other escapades, I start to think I can change him. Next time, he won't stand me up, he will quit smoking and he will balance his life as a parent with dating (hopefully, me).

Why do I always look for someone I want to change?

Most of us have a relationship pattern we follow by consistently choosing a certain type of person. I choose men I need to fix. These problems become the barrier to any long-term potential. My history of subconscious attraction to these men works as a safeguard for me. It's my armor for love, so to speak.

Are our individual dating blueprints designed to protect our hearts? Maybe I'm really the one who needs to change. Comfortable with our predictable pattern, even after we have learned from our mistakes, will history always repeat itself?

Stay Fierce,

Kendall

---

Hi Kendall,

Yes, its true--too many women try to change their men and hope that her love, attentiveness (or other things) will be enough to morph him into the man she wants.

However, at 21, you seem to be well ahead of the curve because you recognize what attracts you and the problems that could arise from that attraction.

'Challenge' attracts everyone on some level so that's normal. Yet, while it's one thing to LIKE a challenge it's another thing to try to CHANGE him/her.
In my last book "The Ladies Guide to Finding Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now Online", I devoted a good deal of attention to this (available at myspacetomyplace.com).

At this point you need to recognize each man for who he is and find a way to either accept him or leave him. No one will change unless they truly want to. Look behind his actions over his words. Twitter me: "Flyness"

Your Royal Flyness

www.myspacetomyplace.com

Flyness' TEN RULES for a one night stand!

Thanks to "The Fly Girl" of http://www.urbannewzradio.com for the inspiration.
There are some things any and EVER man and woman should take heed of before going the "one night stand" route. Here are the OFFICIAL rules by Flyness.

1. It must take place AFTER 10:00PM – the number of things you can do in most cities DRASTICALLY decreases after 10PM. Except for…  You know…
2. No kissing on the lips
3. No GIVING head (generally speaking, the one who wants it the most gives head)
4. Not that I ever have unprotected relations…but ALWAYS keep a hat on
5. Limited pre-booty foreplay
6. No post-booty cuddling
7. For the ladies—no disclaimers, like “I usually don’t do this”. Guys don’t care.
8. No expectation of going all out trying to please the other person…I kicked it with a female not too long ago who had a NERVE to get mad that I didn’t “keep going” after I came. It was 25 minutes of good sex…I was like “NOT my problem”.
9. NO spending the night (unless it was good)
10. No using my shower afterwards…unless it was good


For more on Flyness' books, showing both men and women how to "upgrade their game", visit: http://www.MySpaceToMyPlace.com

Women who claim meeting people online ISN'T safe?

TOO MANY PEOPLE trick themselves into thinking that you are safer meeting people off the street than on the internet, which couldn't be further from the truth.

To the Ladies:
The truth is, you are not gambling with your life ANY MORE meeting someone online than when you meet someone on the street. In fact, you actually know MORE about the person you are hitting up online and have an easier time screening him out.



Here are a few online examples:

* You see him in pictures in various situations
* You see his taste and style from his page
* You see his educational level, income, occupation, and possibly his place of employment
* You see his comments ("these are your references")
* You see what kinds of people he considers "friends"


Vs. Meeting in the street

* You seem him at the present time (which may not be the real him)
* You see his taste and style (at the present time)
* You can guess, but have no idea what he does



Granted, anyone can doctor their look or even their page. However, one stands to learn more if they know what to look for. My book, From MySpace To My Place: The Ladies' Guide to Finding Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now is that guide.

The following article is further proof, illustrating my point. For those who hold misconceptions about meeting people online, take heed:

http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/news/150070/Bar-girl-bedded-200-men-after-surfing-web-for-sex-with-strangers.html

Letter from a PROMISCUOUS female (afraid of becoming a "Ho")

From time to time, I lace a young dude or female with some advice. However, THIS one seemed MUCH younger than 23. Check it out.

MESSAGE BOARD EMAIL, FROM A 23 YEAR OLD WOMAN:
i don't have much sexual experience at all. i had one boyfriend and the sex was always boring and uneventful. for the past couple years i've become so sexually repressed that i'm almost asexual.

there are times when i just want to experiment sexually but then i have this fear that the guy won't like my body or he might disrespect me. and then the reputation that women get for having casual sex is not something i want to endure

there is a guy i'm real interested in one of my classes and there is defintely sexual chemistry. a part of me wants to give him hints that i am down sexuallly but then i fear whta he might think of me if i do this. and i am scared i might start to like him and get hurt. i am confused

so what shdould I do? do you think every woman in her life should experiment sexually with men?

SHE ALSO WENT ON, TO POST:
another issue is that when i had sex with my ex boyfriend i would feel incredibly guilty, like it was very wrong because we weren't married. so i have become so sexually repressed that i feel so guilty about desiring casual sex with men




MY REPLY
From a male perspective--and a player at that...I'm going to give you "the real". This is going to be loooong so I know you'll enjoy it. (Sorry had to do it. LOL). Seriously, take heed. I'm not holding any punches, so please don't take anything too personal. And if you get NOTHING from this, go buy my "Ladies' Guide"....check the profile. ;)

I know you said you were 23 but you sound 17, very sexually inexperienced, and also a bit naive (as in lacking Street smarts). Honestly, babe, you sound like a "victim" and one that would get preyed upon by upperclassmen. Not to be funny, but you actually remind me of the type that would get trains run on her by the football team or the Ques. There were a few females on my college campus who came from a sheltered lifestyle, with little or no sexual experience who would just go "nuts" (literally) as soon as she got her taste of independence.

I'm agreeing with a lot of things that were said on this board so you need to take heed with a lot of whats being said. Sounds like there's some experience on here, so kudos to a lot of you.

First and foremost, you need to tackle the demons that you have about being comfortable with sex. In your posts I see a lot of contradictions. On one hand you want to explore your sexual side and experience different men, right? Cool. But then you talk about the guilt that comes with it:

* "another issue is that when i had sex with my ex boyfriend i would feel incredibly guilty, like it was very wrong because we weren't married. so i have become so sexually repressed that i feel so guilty about desiring casual sex with men"


That's a problem. How on earth can you be at peace with getting your 'nut on' if you're feeling guilty about it? As a human being, its normal for you to want to explore your options. It is actually biological. But it takes the fun out of it if you're worried all the time. On that note, you said you don't want to be perceived as a "ho", which is by definition, a person who has multiple partners outside of a commitment. But perception is perception...you need to either make peace with your freaky side, or suppress your desires. A great suggestion made earlier is to "spread it around" and take your show on the road. Do not do the easy thing and mess with multiple guys on campus. I don't care how big the school is. Brothas are going to immediately throw you in the "toss up" category. Word travels. If your agenda is "physical gratification" you need to be strategic on WHERE you get it from. I'm telling you...everyone at my school knew who got down. That happens everywhere when ladies decide to get too freaky with their schoolmates.

Here are some no-no's I can think of, off the bat:
-Do NOT mess with multiple guys on campus
-Do NOT be seen leaving a party (that you frequent) with another dude, unless you are in a group. The next time you go, people will know you as the late-night jumpoff
-Do NOT think you have to dress provocatively to attract men. (in fact, do you have a MySpace page? Send me the URL and I'll throw you some feedback)
-Stay away from high profile dudes on campus, especially Jocks and Greeks (if you only want sex)
-After sex, do NOT give him any disclaimers, e.g. "I don't normally do this" and "I don't want you to think I'm a ho."

Next, if you haven't already, take some time to get to know your body. Masturbate and purchase a toy or two to satisfy some of your urges and "take the edge off". In the meantime you need to pick your sex partners wisely. You can't just jump a dude because you want to see "how thick" he is--even if its only for sex. Since you're new to the idea of exploring yourself, you don't want to just acquire multiple sex partners. Start with ONE friends with benefits. Pick a dude who's low profile and doesn't hang around with gossipy men, jocks or Greeks. Once you get to know him, establish an understanding...one of "my ladies" actually proposed a "sex contract"; whenever she needed it, I had to deliver within a certain time and vice versa. That way you can be safer and still get your nut on. You don't want to start off banging multiple dudes out the gate, for SO many reasons. As you should already know, always bring protection with you (just in case) and insist that he wears a condom. Also, know your cycle and be cognizant of your fertility at all times. The best way to get your 'nut on' without caring about your image is to go on vacation and leave your state. Go to another part of the country during spring break and let loose. Chances are, you will never see "Mr. Strange D*ck" again, so that takes care of perception.


I actually talk about a lot of this in my book, "From MySpace to My Place: The Ladies' Guide to Finding Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now Online." Granted its centered around meeting men online, but its applicable offline as well. It includes ways to categorize men (what you should look for and what you should avoid), how to "take your show on the road" (if you're looking for 'Mr. Right Now') and general safety tips, such as being safe sexually and guarding your image. Not to market my sh*t in your face, but you could really benefit. Good luck babe and send me your link if you want any feedback.

LADIES, Stop asking how many woman a man has slept with!

Last night, I went out on a second "date" with someone. Very cool girl. However, she asked the infamous "So how many women have you slept with?" question. Granted she tends to pick my brain since I'm a relationship author (Check out www.myspacetomyplace.com)

But ladies, consider the following:
*Do you really expect men to be honest with you? (Afterall MOST women lie about their sexual partners)
*Would it matter if he said 948 partners and meant it?
*Do you really even want to know?

So in response to my date, I said "10,000" with a serious, but smug look. She hesitated, and stuttered, "You're not serious, are you?" I proceeded to tell her I was experienced, but at the end of the day, the NUMBER means nothing. And whether my number is 10, 100, 1,000 or 100,000, it really doesn't matter.


Guys, same thing...don't ever ask a woman this question. She'll give you a cute number like 3 or 4. Watever she gives you fellas, add a '0'. 4 = 40. 7=70, etc. Lol. Plus it makes you look insecure. Instead look at her mannerisms, her body language and other nonverbal queues. Thats all you really need to "guestimate" her experience. ;)

And if you want more game, check out my books at http://www.MySpaceToMyPlace.com. I've met hundreds of ladies online and made two informative guides--one for the men is out NOW! The LADIES Guide will be released in on TUES. Feb 10. 2009.

Guys who CHASE after Women...and the Women who use them :-\

I guess this is what makes the world go 'round, but its still a fascinating thing. FELLAS, stop chasing these females. When I say "chase", I mean running up to females and giving them pick up lines. It's so corny. Its even worse on MySpace. These picture comments are sickening. Here are a few I've seen before:

-Baby cum here and sit on my face!
-I would spend my entire paycheck on you!
-I'm so in love. I want to put it in!

Don't you realize it makes you look desperate? Weak? Insecure? And stop taking T-Pain's advice and buying these chicks drinks. If she likes you SHE should buy YOU the drink, take YOU home, "sex" you, AND make YOU breakfast. Be a man and not a simp.

Okay LADIES, calm down...you're not in the clear either. You already know that most men are like panting dogs waiting to get into your pants. That said, stop using them because it WILL bite you in the ass. As I state in my new book, "From MySpace to My Place: The Ladies' Guide to Finding Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now, you ladies need to stop hanging out with men you aren't romantically (or sexually) interested in, for the sole purpose of attaining tangibles, UNLESS you clearly express that interest. It amazes me that a woman will accept drinks from a stranger all night, but has a NERVE to act upset when he proposes leaving the club to go back to his place. SHE KNOWS WHAT HE WANTED! Now ladies, ITS COOL to get your hustle on. We're in a recession. However, know the consequences.

I had a friends-with-benefits relationship with this one female who would borrow a guys car to come and see me. This was a guy who WORSHIPPED her and she used this dude for his money, his car and his attention. (But she only gave me the goods...aint that somethin?) However this female had a nerve to get upset once the dude took his keys back, once he realized he was being "had".

Fellas, stop putting the "cooch" on a pedestal. Watch for attraction signals. Read her "non-verbal" queues and act accordingly and laid back. And ladies, be real with yourselves. If you don't like a dude, have the courage to let him know. And if he STILL wants to shower you with gifts, THAT is GAME.

Flyness has spoken. ;)


And check out my books and my interviews, all on: http://www.MySpaceToMyPlace.com

Women - STOP FRONTIN on your "na-na"

Props to Dedan Tolbert at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/DedanTolbert
Tonight I guest co-hosted his show on Women who LIE about their sex lives. We talked about the SCORES of women who lie about the number of sex partners they have.

Ladies...be honest...How many times have you lied "on your na-na?" Secondly, I'm tired of the disclaimers. I've met over 200 women off myspace, and have taken MANY of them "to bed" within a day of my first IM. Why do I always get the, "I don't normally do this" speech or the "I'm not a ho, by the way" speech? If that were the case, there'd be no ho's on the planet earth.

Someone twitter me and shed some light on it.

My first Blog

Hey everyone,

This is my first blog. Thanks to "restlessmiss" for making me join to promote my books and talk about my experiences with meeting women online.


And boy, I've met MANY. Like, hundreds. And yes, I will finally be talking about these experiences. So stay tuned ;-)


As of this week, I am now the author of two, self-published books:

From MySpace to My Place: The Men's Guide to Snagging Women Online

and

From MySpace to My Place: The Ladies' Gudie to Finding Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now Online

The Men's Guide is doing quite well, and I am ranked #7 in the Self-Help eBooks category on Payloadz.com one of the leading digital content providers on the internet. The Ladies' Guide will be released on or before Valentines Day. Stay tuned for some interesting stories, tips, advice...and yes, stories. Especially the ones about getting women to my place within an hour of meeting them online ;-)